Injured WWE Superstars and Wrestlers: What Should They Do? Should They Do Things? Let’s Find Out!

Posted in The Three Count by - July 08, 2016

Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve dreamed of an opportunity like this. I remember as a lad bouncing on Uncle Gunther’s knee as the family gathered around the XX-20 as the living room filled with the antics of The Dudley and Dershowitz Wrestling Hour. Unfortunately for me, I don’t see that particular uncle anymore, but my love for wrestling remains to this day.

Now, in my young age of twenty nine, my palette has expanded quite a bit. I have my own credit card now. How many University of Colorado graduates can say that? Despite the success I’ve found in my successful lawsuit against the fine people at the Burger Star, I’ve gotten tired of running in circles. For one moment, I’m taking a break from cruising the docks and kicking a hornet’s nest that needs to be kicked.

There’s been a question rattling in my mind ever since the draft got announced: What happens to all these people that aren’t with the company currently. It’s been a hard question to put into words, something like: Injured WWE Stars and Celebrities: What Do They Do After The Draft? Should They Quit? Let’s Find Out!

Neville: Ankle Injury

Quite honestly, it’s time WWE hit the reset button on this Irish iteration of Mighty Mouse. Neville, while a competent wrestler has one gimmick in WWE, and that’s his version of “flippy shit.” Quite honestly though, I don’t know if he would fare much better on an indie scene either. Perhaps in a New Japan type setting would his gimmick get over, but I think he’d eventually be mired there as well. Sadly, I think that reset button won’t get pushed and WWE will opt to blow in the cartridge instead. See you in every multiman ladder much from here on forward pal.

Verdict: Draft to Smackdown

Alicia Fox: Undisclosed Injury

With Team Bella all but disbanded due to Brie Bella’s pseudo retirement and quest to get knocked up and Nikki Bella recovering from a near disastrous broken neck, not much has been seen from Fox lately. Not to kick her while she’s down, but I see no benefit in drafting her to either show. If Fox wants to finish her career in WWE as a jobber then so be it, but for her benefit, request a release.

Verdict: I hear Ring of Honor is hiring

Tamina Snuka: Toppled from top of Chrysler Building

Verdict: Draft to Raw. Number one pick

Roman Reigns: Bruised Ego

I see even with you we’re still talking about you, you selfish prick. Consider for a second Roman, if WWE were still a private company, you’d be fired. While I’d love to see you drafted right to the back of the unemployment line, your home is likely front and center as the face of Raw. You know what, while you’re at it, why don’t you hold the World Heavyweight belt as well. Grab the NXT title while you’re at it.

Verdict: Draft to Smackdown/Raw/NXT and Evolve

Ryback: Contract Dispute

While your position on pay scales is flat out wrong, you were right all along about one thing: You weren’t being utilized. How someone with your build isn’t a top heel is beyond me. While not a stud in the ring, your skills as a bad guy are top notch. With the right molding and attention you could have been the second coming of Scott Steiner. Ring of Honor or TNA would do wonders for you, Ryback. Give em’ a call.

Verdict: Request release

Emma: Broken Back

Stay the course little one. WWE was doing wonders for your character and your value to the roster as a heel was going through the roof. I wish you a speedy recovery as I can’t wait to see how you’ve grown. While it’s been slow going, Emma will no doubt go down as a high drawing heel in this era of WWE. I can’t wait to see her in the ring again.

Verdict: Draft to Raw

Nikki Bella: Broken Neck

Take everything I said about Emma and insert Nikki Bella’s name instead. Nikki is one of the most improved wrestlers on the roster today. End of story. Nikki continues to be a huge draw, despite her awful music and oddly placed heel/face turns.

Verdict: Draft to Smackdown

Rosa Mendez: Acute baby syndrome

Rosa Mendez is the Ann Veal of the WWE.


Luke Harper: Torn ACL

Luke Harper is the most underutilized talent on the WWE Roster. Luke Harper is a fantastic wrestler. Luke Harper is a master at the microphone. Luke, if you worked anywhere else in the wrestling industry, you’d be a champion. I fear that if you do resign with WWE, you’re going right back to where you were, mired in the midcard, jobbing out to Big Show and Kane at house shows. Ring of Honor will treat you right. New Japan will make you famous.

Verdict: Request release

Hideo Itami: Shoulder Issue

Look, kid, here’s the truth. You’re old news. You may be an excellent wrestler, but since you’ve been gone several other indie darlings have come into NXT and stolen your spotlight. Can you recapture that magic? Possibly. Is it more likely though that your extended absence is a sign to WWE that you’re injury prone and came to them as damaged goods? Weigh those decisions when you come back to NXT. Any call up is now likely far down the road.

Verdict: Request release

Viktor: Can’t stop doing drugs

The Ascension is likely not going to the moon anytime soon. Personally, I’d ride out the rest of my contract and pull a Wade Barrett. Sleep in your bed kid, just don’t drag your best buddy with you. Your best bet is that they repackage you and send you to job out at house shows. You’re no Kurt Angle fella, you can’t absorb a second wellness violation and expect miracles.

Verdict: Draft to Smackdown

Tyson Kidd: Broken Neck

We want you back in the ring so bad. When and if you do, please give Samoa Joe a swift kick in the balls and finish what Scott Steiner couldn’t in TNA.

Verdict: Stay Healthy

The Fans

We are faced with a situation in which watching wrestling could take up as much time as a part time job. In fact, some weeks, that dickhead boss might ask us to work overtime. A colleague of mine said it best: “I really love tacos. I just can’t eat them every night.”

Verdict: Watch this video. It’s the last moment that I was truly shocked and awed at the spectacle of Wrestling. My long time favorite wrestler appearing at a pay-per-view, completely unannounced. I screamed. I threw my fists in the air and high-fived my buddies like our team just won in extra innings. I spilled my beer on his carpet.

It was magic. It was Wrestling.

This post was written by
He is the senior editor at Kulture Shocked. A Nebraska boy born and raised, where he spends most of his time as a writer. When not tearing up Xbox Live, he spends most of his time divided between Magic: The Gathering and his fiancee.
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