Stream Police: The WWE Network Edition

Posted in Screening Room by - December 01, 2015

Black Friday and Cyber Monday have come to a close. You’ve gone back to work, ever looking forward to breaking in that new copy of Season 1 of Masters of Sex. Leftover turkey is still a staple of every meal and you tell your mother every day that you loved her pasta salad even though throwing it in the trash was the first thing you did when you get home. It’s fun to be an American.

For most young adults, the weekend after the holidays is where we tend to be a tad bit selfish, braving the cold winds and rowdy crowds to buy “Christmas presents,” when in reality that copy of the latest season of Walking Dead is destined for the shelves at our own house. This time of year, save for entertaining guests, the likelihood of turning on Netflix or Hulu to catch up on a new movie or show is pretty low.

So why bother?

Why watch another movie or start a new television show? Is another boring Dramady about a fat Indian woman really going to hold your attention for very long? Do you honestly thing that watching some boring documentary about the dying sea lions of Capistrano is going to get you laid? (Spoilers: It isn’t) Why not do something different. You’ve expanded your horizons to Television, Animation and Anime, and now I invite you to enter the unpredictable world of one of the most unique forms of televised entertainment; Professional Wrestling.

Below you will find five of the best Pay Per View events, chosen specifically for the new viewer in mind. Formerly, it would have cost one $54.99 to view one of these three or four hour spectacles. However, now through the magic of the WWE Network, for only ten of the best dollars you’ll ever spend you will have access to decades of quality entertainment. Here’s five you need to watch first.

Royal Rumble 2000

While not a star studded event by any stretch, the 2000 edition of the Royal Rumble is a prime example of great in ring mechanics and one of greatest sketches in WWE history. If, in the current wrestling environment you take issue with the treatment of women as eye candy, remember, back in these times Women were not only large breasted objects young men would pleasure themselves to, they could also compete with the best of the men. This event features Chyna, a prominent female wrestler taking on Chris Jericho and Bob Holly for the Intercontinental Championship, the second most prestigious prize in wrestling. This event also features a swimsuit contest to crown Miss Royal Rumble 2000. In addition to the well endowed ladies on the roster, contestants include Barbara Bush and an 80 year old woman.

Hell in a Cell 1998

Containing one of the hardest American wrestling matches to watch, Hell In a Cell 98′ contains what many consider the turning point for WWE’s programming towards a more adult and violent product. The marquee match of Hell in a Cell features Mankind being thrown off of a several story tall structure, onto a plywood table below. No, there is no net. No, they don’t know how to fall. Other highlights include the same man being driving through the ceiling of the structure and being piledriven onto a bed of thumbtacks.

Armageddon 1999

Containing the first instance of nudity in WWE programming by way of a Women’s match taking place in a wading pool, the hightlight of this event is a gruesome contest against Vince McMahon, the true to life owner of WWE taking on his current son in law, Triple H in a no holds barred contest. From the parking lot to ring, this hardcore match features some intense spots from both men, including several shots with weapons, including Triple H’s legendary Sledgehammer.

Hell in a Cell 2015

If for only the main event contest pitting The Undertaker against “The Beast” Brock Lesnar, our only selection from the modern era of WWE can still hold up against the rest of the greats. While admittedly, the spectacle of this event does require a bit of prior knowledge of the past year of storylines, the main event more than makes up for this in it’s execution.

Wrestlemania XIX

Containing three of the best wrestling matches of all time, this event is required watching not only for any wrestling fan, but any fan of sports or entertainment period. If Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels’s show stealing performance isn’t enough to bring you into the wrestling fandom, then surly the contest between the biggest crossover star the sport has ever seen is enough to do it. In a contest that is now legendary, The Rock takes on Stone Cold Steve Austin in a bout that would end up being the last in ring appearance of one of the biggest star the business has ever known.

This post was written by
He is the senior editor at Kulture Shocked. A Nebraska boy born and raised, where he spends most of his time as a writer. When not tearing up Xbox Live, he spends most of his time divided between Magic: The Gathering and his fiancee.
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